My boy, JP, paraphrasing from What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication by Ike Lasater
We are basically raised and told to deny our needs because that is selfish. The truth, however, is that we all have needs and if we do not meet them or make sure they are met, no one else will. We learn to get our needs met by the strategy of not really asking for what we need because we are taught that is selfish. The problem with living that way is that it sets the stage for violent behaviors.
Needs are never in conflict, only the strategies to meet them are. You may say that you want to see a certain movie and I don’t. The movie is not the need, the movie is a strategy to get the need met. What you really need is entertainment, or companionship, or any number of other emotional needs that going to see a movie together will meet. When we ditch the strategy and address the actual need, then we can both come up with ways to get our needs met without conflict.